There's nothing at all fake about my parents. What you see at church on Sunday and Wednesdays is what they are every other day of the week. And when I tell you I have the best pastor around... I mean it! It's not only because I'm his daughter. I've called on him many a times needing a pastor, not a daddy, and he's been there for me no matter what.
So, I've always known the power of God. I've seen and heard of many miracles throughout my life. I'll have to tell you about them some other time, perhaps... there's a lot of them!!! I KNOW what God can do. I put all my faith and trust in Him because I know what a good God He is. He is such a Mighty and Awesome God!
Steven and I started dating when he was 16 and I was 18 years old. We were both just babies! We had known each other since he was 9 and I was 11. Back then, I thought he was the biggest brat in the world! But about 7 years down the road, I started looking at him in a different light, I suppose. We got married when he was 18 and I was 20. We started trying to get pregnant right away. It was probably a stupid thing to do. We were renting at the time and neither one of us made what would be called "good money". But we knew that we wanted to be parents and add to our family. So, three months after we got married, we started tryign to have a baby.
Well, our plans are not always God's plans... and our time is not always God's time. After a year of trying, I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). Later that year I underwent laproscopic ovarian drilling to try and open up my ovaries so I would ovulate. I started having regular menstrual cycles after the surgery (which was something I had never had)... but still no baby. A year after that I was diagnosed as Type 2 Diabetic. That diagnosis put "the fear of God" into me, I guess you could say. I got my tail in gear and lost 100 lbs. (I still have 25 or 30 to go... but I'm a lot closer than I was!) After losing all that weight, a lot of my PCOS symptoms went away. But... still no baby.
In mid 2003, I was working a very stressful job and I just couldn't take it anymore. Steven made plenty enough for me not to have to work, so I went ahead and quit. I was just having faith and believing that God was somehow going to work it out for me to be a Momma - whether it be getting pregnant or adoption. So, I went ahead and quit my job just believing that God would somehow make my dreams come true.
Here we are in July of 2004:
In early 2005, Steven and I (along with some other church members) went to hear Bro. Bob Bell (an evangelist that I have known since I was a little girl) preach at a church in Columbia, TN. That night he was up at the altar praying for several people. I had never told him about my fertility problems before.... and there was just something that told me that night, "Have him pray for you.. and tell him what it's about." So, I went up to him and told him that I had been trying to have a baby for over 8 years and couldn't get pregnant... and I told him how I longed for a baby. So, that night he prayed for me and had that entire church to pray for me. Afterwards, he told me that he knew it was going to happen and that he wanted me to call him the minute I found out I was pregnant. He said he didn't care if it was 3:00 a.m. I better call him.
So, after that night - I just had faith that one way or another. I still wasn't sure, myself, if it was by adoption or naturally that I would get my baby. But I just knew I would... somehow. Steven and I decided to step out on faith and get ready for our baby. We bought all the furniture, we painted the nursery, put up the border... and even bought a few clothes.
So, in the late summer of 2005, Steven and I started seriously looking into adoption. We had half-heartedly looked into it for the few years before that... but finally decided "We're just gonna do this."
During this time I started going through a deep depression and anxiety. It all started around the time Hurricane Katrina hit Louisianna and Mississippi. I remember that because all the footage on T.V. really compounded my problems. I finally had to shut off the T.V. and try to quit thinking about it so much. I didn't really know what to do with myself. I had never been the type of person to to get depressed easily or have a lot of anxiety about things. I had NEVER been in this state of mind before, and it was really scaring the life out of me.
But, there was one that I knew I could call on when there was nobody else to listen. JESUS. And, with my background, I knew exactly what I had to do to reach him. I got my bible and started reading. I kept that bible beside my chair at all times. I turned off the T.V. and I read and I read and I read. I prayed like I had never prayed before. There were times when I felt like there was just too much going on around me.... too much craziness, too many distractions... and all I wanted was to be with my Jesus. So, I would literally go to my walk-in closet, turn off the light, sit down and pray. I would lose all track of time in there. I would cry and I would pray. I would ask God for his Will in everything we were doing. I wanted a baby so bad... but if it wasn't his will for us to adopt, I didn't want to do it. I asked for him to help me with this anxiety and depression. I knew no other that could help me but Him. But most of the time, I wasn't in there asking His help with things. I was in that closet praising Him. I wanted Him to know how good He had always been to me and how much I loved Him for it.
So, in October of 2005, we made the arrangements for the financial assistance we would need for adoption. On Monday, November 14, 2005 - the check came in the mail. I remember this day so well... but it also just seems like a dream at times too. I had gotten the check that morning. At around noon, I made myself a sandwich for lunch and I sat down in the recliner to eat it. Before I even took my first bite, the thought came to me out of the blue, "When am I supposed to start my period this month?" I hadn't even been keeping up with it since we had seriously been talking about adoption. So, I got out my calendar and started counting up the days. I thought, "Hmm, I probably should have started over the weekend." I didn't really think too much of it. It was nothing unusual for me to be a few days off. Some months I'd have a 27 day cycle. Sometimes it would 30 or 31. So, I thought, "Well, I'll go take a test." I went and peed on stick and laid it on the counter. I wasn't excited or anxious. I had taken probably dozens and dozens of these thests throughout the years and I had learned never to get my hopes up anymore or expect anything. So, I went and ate my sandwich and, truthfully, had forgotten all about the pregnancy test. After my sandwich, I went to the bathroom to use it and that's when I saw the test on the counter and remembered about it. I picked it up, glanced at it, saw two lines, and went to throw it in the trash can. Then all of the sudden I thought, "Wait a minute! TWO LINES!!" Now, like I said, I have taken probably dozens and dozens of these tests through the years and I KNEW what two lines meant. But at that time I thought, "Well, this type of test must be different. Two lines must mean not pregnant." My hands were shaking like they had never shook before in my life. I could hardly pick up the box and get the stupid directions out of there! So, finally I found the directions... and of course... two lines meant PREGNANT! My whole body started shaking at this point. I started crying... then I started laughing... then I was crying again. I was saying, "Oh my God! Oh my God! I'm pregnant! I'm pregnant!" I walked all around the house repeating this. I would cry. Then I would laugh. I would sit down ... and then I would walk around. My poor little dog Jack (who has always followed my every move.. he's my shadow) was following me around and didn't really know what to do. I guess he thought I had finally lost my last marble and he started crying too. I went to the nursery and I knelt down in front of the baby crib and I just wept and wept and said, "Thank You, Jesus! Thank You, Jesus!"
I called Steven and I said, "The check came in the mail today for the adoption." He said, "Really?" And I said, "Yeah, but we aren't gonna need to use it." He said, "What do you mean we don't need it?" I said, "Because I'm pregnant." He said, "What?" And I repeated it. He said, "No you're not." And I said, "YES I AM!" He said, "How do you know?" I said, "Because I took a test and it was positive." He said, "No you're not." And I said, "YES I AM!!!" He was on his way home at the time and he told me to take another test before he got home. So, I did. He walked in the door and I showed him BOTH tests... that were BOTH positive! He had me take one more. It was positive too! I went to the doctor the next day and had blood work done. They called me the next day, Wednesday, and told me it was positive. I was pregnant. I think Steven FINALLY started believing it a little then!
So, that's how our wonderful, beautiful journey began....
Here I am a couple of weeks before delivery:
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